On Reading People October 22, 2008
Posted by Geoffrey Wilson in : Articles, Personal Freedom , trackbackReading people is not as difficult as it may seem. And it could come in handy! Who knows? You might just be the one to orchestrate a winning strategy because you were able to accurately evaluate the mentalities of those around you.
And on that note, imagine sharpening your awareness so finely that you were able to see into the core nature of people and things at a glance. As if you could see it all – equipped with a crystal ball and highly developed powers of observation.
In China several thousands of years ago, the King of Huainan invited a number of sages to his court in an effort to compile a comprehensive body of teachings on life. The plan was ambitious but not without a chance for success. And the King as an established patron of the arts intended the auspicious gathering of the wise to serve as a model on how to live in society harmoniously.
Happily, the result was the erudite collection of sayings known as the ‘Huainanzi’ – the teachings of the Masters of Huainan. No doubt the King thereafter felt as if he had the good fortune of looking at life through a crystal ball!
From a layperson’s perspective, the most striking features of the ‘Huinanzi’ seem to focus on the sages’ abilities to see directly into the heart of the human condition. With chapters on society, peace, war, and government, the authors speak with a lucidity that only the wise can muster. In one famous passage they also seamlessly evaluate people in terms of status and intention. Some examples of their prowess follow.
On High Status
In evaluating people who hold positions of high status, carefully observe what they promote. In observing what they promote you will know their genuineness.
The key here is in the observation of promotion. I once knew of a respected chief administrator who consistently used all the right words at just the right pitch to deliver his message with plenty of passion.
Unfortunately, as believable as his message happened to be, the actions of those he represented didn’t match his words. In other words, his position of status afforded him the luxury of posturing without substance.
On Giving
In evaluating the wealthy, observe what they are prepared to give. In watching what they are prepared to give, you will know their parsimony.
Most wealthy people become wealthy and stay wealthy because they have learned how to keep their hands on the dough once they have it. We have all heard of the famous Dickens character Scrooge. He kept it all too himself and earned a reputation as a miser. Then there are some who give it away freely. The key to this evaluation is on the quality of the giving rather than the amount of it.
After all is said and done, giving to charities is one thing when you have plenty stashed away and it looks good on the books. But there is another kind of giving. It is often measured in terms of time and energy.
On the Poor
In evaluating the poor, observe what they refuse to accept. In watching what they refuse to accept, you will know their pride.
Pride is one of the seven deadly sins for good reason. Not only does it defy logic but it also gets in the way of taking the next step – in terms of growth. Football teams have their pride to contend with, as do all those who are in competition with one another. We expect that from our sporting heroes. In the real world however sadly, pride does go before a fall because strengthening of the ego cripples common sense.
In Oriental philosophy, pride is often associated with arrogance. There is a Yin type and a Yang type. Yin arrogance belongs to the one who believes that the world owes them a living! They suffer silently but cannot mask their discontent. Yang arrogance on the other hand is more up front and in your face. The prevailing belief is that it is one’s birthright to belligerently uphold an opinion and shout about it!
The bottom line is that pride erodes any relationship to humility that one may have. The latter is essential for personal growth. The former precludes it!
On Resentment
In evaluating people who are of low status, observe what they refuse to do. In watching what they refuse to do, you will know their resentment.
People will only refuse to do something if they think it is beneath them! This means that there is an existing inferiority complex. A man or woman of humility will not hesitate to do the dirty work if called upon.
This is because there is no regard for either superiority or inferiority. It is all the same for this person.
Refusal to do the work however is a by-product of resentment – especially concerning those of low status. People accumulate resentment when they think they’ve been hard done by. So resentment is a justice issue as much as it has to do with being a victim of the system. The bottom line is that resentment is the brewing of unresolved emotional issues that have festered in the swimming pool of the family dynamic.
On Greed
In evaluating the greedy, observe what they will not take. In watching what they will not take, you will know the quality of their satisfaction.
Greedy people usually take anything and everything they can get their hands on. So it’s interesting to see them leave something alone. This will only happen when they have enough of course. So we know they must have quite a bit stored away! Observation of the greedy also indicates much about personal values.
On Self-Restraint
In seeing people change difficulties, you will know their courage. Entice people with the promise of joy and happiness and you will see their capacity for self-restraint.
Those lacking in self-restraint are prone to excesses of one kind or another. Usually this revolves around the endless pursuit of desire. Yet few realise that those who are incapable of restraint can never be truly happy. In other words, indulgences stretch the boundaries of balanced behaviour and lead to extreme shifts between sanity and neurosis.
Moreover, desire is an endless pit and the consequences of chasing after it are rarely considered. This is predominantly why ‘The Secret’ was such a runaway success. When people get a sniff of something that can lead to the fulfilment of their wildest dreams they will jump at the chance to do something about it regardless of the consequences.
So we know that self-restraint and the working off of karma have something in common. Though it is true that every desire must eventually be realised, the cultivation of understanding can sometimes knock a few unnecessary desires off the list and in so doing, bolster spiritual economy.
On Humanity
Entrust people with goods and money and you will see their humanity.
When people are in the throes of feathering their own nest though not accustomed to doing so, they invariably become self-obsessed and lose sight of others. Humane people on the other hand, always look out for those less fortunate than they are.
This premise is really about the acceptance of responsibility. To what extent are we responsible for each other? In the grand scheme of things personal autonomy is one of the higher spiritual goals. You are not responsible for me in the sense that I must cleanup after myself. And vice-versa.
That being said however, am I able to respond to your plight (whatever it is) with compassion? This doesn’t mean I am obligated to do your dirty work but in the same breath I am responsible for helping you to learn about personal autonomy.
On Discipline
Shake people with fear and you will know their discipline.
It takes tremendous discipline to overcome fear. To begin with, one must dispense with indulging in disturbances of one kind or another. Then one must pay attention to everything that is happening with enormous sensitivity.
The current economic rollercoaster is a case in point. The fear of losing everything (if one has investments) or never recovering (if one is dependent for anything on those who are players in the market) can only be overcome by limiting desire and consolidating one’s position through cutting down on spending.
To put it another way, fear drives people to accumulate. When things go awry, there is panic. Don’t worry about accumulation and focus on the day-to-day.
In Summary
How many people do you know that fit into any of the categories outlined? There are probably a few. Make an effort to apply something that you’ve learned today. Observe what others promote. Watch what they give. See what they refuse to do. Assess what they resent. How do your values rate in terms of the greedy? Do you possess any self-restraint? Would others call you humane? And are you an accumulator?
In fairness to those sages who spent time and energy putting together a book to harmoniously live by, we might do well to pay more attention to our observational habits. Reading people is not difficult. And it does get easier with practice.
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